We still have bad days but Im telling you- its night and day. Im sorry, maybe your autistic kid is manageable. I understand that autism is not always sunshine and rainbows. Search the internet to see what substitutes autistic adults have found for their SIB. But nobody on here has any right to judge anyone about how they deal with autism. Parents want their children to have easier lives than they did growing up. If a child is being aggressive right now, here is how you can de-escalate and avoid being hurt. Autistic people may confuse I and you regularly, for example. I really needed to know that Im not the only parent who feels this way. Luckily its only moms who have feelings. Hates her child? I guess you conveniently forgot to leave that part out, because it doesnt fit your narrative. To re a firm that just because i have break downs and the cold reality of raising a disabled child doesnt look like the made up fairy tale people try to sell you online, does not mean im a horrible mother or bad person. (Inside:Dear Autism Moms Please stop complaining about your autistic children Its harmful to your children and the entire autistic community. I know living with an autistic child is hard sometimes- if its hard all the time- to the extremes it is with you and your family its past time for help. Don't punish/criticize the child or push them to do something if they aren't comfortable, because they'll associate social interactions with negative feelings. This lack of responsiveness is one reason for the difficulties that some autistic people face in securing and keeping employment, and making friends. Try not to feel hurt when it happens; your child likely isnt trying to cause you distress at all they just are blind to the consequence of their action. Never around? In the beginning, I wasnt recognizing that certain places we went, my daughter was in distress so she would elope or melt down. None of us are perfect but clearly your social media skills need improving because you are trolling the wrong people: advocates for improvement in autism services, education and supportservices which you could benefit from if you honestly cannot see how mean and misguided your insults are. SO this is not that. If you dont have a support network, Im so, so sorry to hear that! Compiled with ableist threats of suicide and counter congruent co-shaming its basically gaslighting. And theres nothing shameful about venting it out vrs bottling it up to fester and rot inside you. The right thing to do in situations like this is to talk and gently correct. You still gunna tell me to shut my mouth and pretended thats not terrifying? Austitic mama mantra seems to be Out of sight, out mind, I actually loved this post! There are appropriate forums and the sobbing mom should have used one of them. How to Handle an Autistic Child's Behavior Download Article methods 1 Handling a Lack of Responsiveness 2 Coping with Language and Communication Problems 3 Dealing with Meltdowns and Tantrums + Show 6 more. All you know is what you see in others. For example, consider making homemade pizza with your child. It is time to make the hard parts of autism something that everyone can see. Her comparison of a neurotypical child that didnt turn to be a doctor shouldnt be mourned as much an autistic child not being a doctor is ridiculous and evil. Its the broadcasting of something private to her and her son. Trampolines, exercise balls, tree-climbing, swimming, recreational sports, and going on walks can help hyperactive children get the stimulation they need, so they can. If you choose to have children, you are opening yourself up to having a whole range of children and this really should have been made clear before you start. No matter what, our kids deserve dignity and respect, even in our worst moments. And as an authistic, you breed to put more autism in this world? It doesnt just affect the parents and the child. This article is a bit ridiculous. I have two autistic children. It is an insult to momsplain that behavior is communication. Eating enough food is more important than eating nutritious food. Which means telling one another our worries, asking for advice, or just being able to talk to someone else whose been where you are. Before I understood there were many times I just didnt want to hang out with my son. Im struggling. Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? Or maybe stop telling other parents what to do Email me if you need someone to talk to. Autism can seriously suck. Beacuse its impossible to meet everyones needs/expectations in the system as it is and we do get frustrated when parents dont seem to realise that their kid would get more time/support in a special education unit then we can ever give in mainstream class. In general, its best to avoid making your child feel too awkward. Totally agree.. and @TMDH, if your autistic you definitely dont fal into the same category as severe since you could type that comment all by yourself and can form words and express them. This article is saying you shouldnt complain, vent etc. Your autism is NOTHING like my sons. Likewise, you learn that to vent to certain sources doesnt help. This article has been viewed 68,833 times. I have massive back pain, I have a job, I can drive. And I dont mean for him I mean for you and your husband. I was with you until I got to that list. There is this thing called Personal Boundaries, and the mother in the video and all these commenters defending her, dont understand what that is. They are doing well with the exception of some uncertainty towards school but Im so glad to better educate myself and listen to autistic voices. On top of this she in stuck to me 24/7. Frustration. Have you worked on non-verbal communication skills? make sure you talk to them about how to handle the situation. You say your son will outlive you, and I have to break it to you: that might not be realistic worry for your son. This article could have been written without refering to Kate and finding coopers voice. It can be hard to shift your thinking but if you do you will see how quickly your life and the wellbeing of your child can change. Explain the routine to your child, and use a picture schedule to help them predict events. The same goes for caffeine dont give your child anything that is likely to keep him or her awake. Solitude. Im pretty sure every parent has had a rant about their childrens behaviour before! You are not the autistic person mothers grieve for anyway What an horrendous person you are, I bet youre an abusive parent. You only know the world of high functioning ASD/Aspergers. I believe u may have missed the bottom part. I would suggest that the apparent lack of empathy is simply an autistic person being wired so differently they find it hard to relate to the needs and expectations of a Neurotypical person. Just stop it. Too many people who lack the empathy, understanding and patience for what seems like even neurotypical kids, let alone autistic kids. feeling out of control . We all have concerns and with our autistic children, there are so many more concerns. But every single one of my internal issues have been overlooked because theres nothing wrong with me. You should have SOME idea of what autism is and what its not, but it seems like youre making up your own symptoms because thats how YOUR child is. Thank you. Best to you and your family! Im doing handstands trying to parent, and I am so fearful of being judged or shouted down when I meltdown. I also totally agree with you that we should treat each other with grace. You may need to repeat yourself or write things down. Other Sections Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Co-authored by Luna Rose Last Updated: March 29, 2022 References His own family? She's defiant, rude, immature, and uncooperative. YOU DONT KNOW. You have much to learn. Your child may learn to communicate very well in alternative ways, such as sign language, typing, facilitated communication, and more. If youre making excuse for an Autism Parent that clearly hates their child, then youre a crap excuse for a human being. Make it clear that you care about what's bothering them, even if you don't know what it is. Do you need to paint autism as rainbows and sunshine? Yes, she said some uncomfortable things but also more importantly said that all she wants is for her child to be HAPPY! There is no epidemic of autism. Complain out of earshot of your kid who has no way aboiding this on his own. Ideas for things we can do to instead of crying out to the world for help. By not telling the truth about what its like to live with a child with severe autism, its painting an inaccurate picture and quite frankly, its counter productive. Amazing that this seems to have been missed. Stop whining and grow up. Now, before you start throwing things at me, let me clarify. It sounds like she had a hopeful day planned out for her kid, felt that he was ready, and couldnt wait to see his happiness, then when it went downhill it really sunk in how bad his disability is and she felt that she had failed him. Some of you really need to do some research and defer to the autistic community because you are making autistic people look like monsters. He is now 65 tall but sees himself as a very small child so he can scare small children, as he is still wanting to play in the sandbox or baby pool and playgrounds . :). The mother making the video had every right to vent and talk it out. Now the next layer Would your spouse talk about you that way? Thats the shit that makes me cry at night, wondering if Im a horrible mother because i cant fid anyone anywhere who speaks truthfully about what its like to raise disabled children. If anyone lets on that raising their kids isnt all rainbows and precious moments and is sometimes downright demoralizing, other people automatically assume that the venting parents are terrible, ungrateful and hate their kids. Thats how this mom of autistic feels and dont judge cuz we each have a path thats different from each others. Click bait-y title but agree with the overall point. Okay, but where else can these people vent? You dont, so just stop. clean the parts taht get stinky. And your children will, too, if you continue to publicly talk behind their backs and criticize them. Toddlers talk with more understanding and comprehension than my son does. So many people are so ashamed to show their children behaving so badly. This is the first step to know whether what youre about to share is over the line. Write about your frustrations in a private journal. No respite or help. 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